World-Wide Anger

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

On the one hand, is there a single country today that does not have some form of peaceful - sometimes violent - protest?   Besides most every country in Africa, South America and the Middle East, you have East Asian and European countries as well. Even in mature democracies like Britain, Sweden, and Australia. The protest comes from everyone's basic insecurity and lack of voice in the face of corrupt, enriched and imbedded politicos of all stripes.

On the other, there is increasingly a call for "systemic" change in the media, and not just in other countries.  Proposals in the USA  - prison overhaul, immigration reform, taxes on the wealthy, local farming -  have burgeoned in most every public sphere. The most thoughtful have prioritized such change, making free, open elections the very top priority.

All can vote

In my book Anger, I clarify that the purpose of anger is to find satisfaction of a basic need and not to fall into the instinctive trap, emotionally, of blame, disillusionment, and warfare. In so many movements, and particularly the Occupy movement, there has been confusion and uncertainty about what systematic change was demanded. And so across the world, protest movements have faltered, having no clear agreement about priorities for change, after the corrupt have been kicked out.  Think Libya, Egypt or Thailand.

My common sense says that free, open elections could be the top priority of all protests. Anger at no voice is satisfied by ensuring a fair, free electoral voice. So here goes:

  - All electoral campaigns are limited strictly to a 3 month period.
  - All funding is public, all donations limited to $250.
  - 5% of prime time in all publically licensed media is reserved for campaigning.
  - Amendment re Citizens United: money is not speech; corporations are not persons.
  - All elections, state and federal, abide by the Federal Electoral Commission.
  - Candidates show 2 months before election day how they will vote on 40 key issues.
  - Candidates who reverse on 5 or more key issues will be subject to recall.
  - All votes are recorded on paper, one for electronic tally, a copy for the voter.
  - One month early voting is allowed, as well as mail in and weekend voting.
  - All proven citizens over 18 can vote, including ex-felons and dual citizens.

Common sense -yes!  Idealism - yes! More than political will, it takes the will of people to band together and insist on such a key issue. What could be a more basic need in the protests than each citizen have a vote, make clear choices and ensure their will is carried out?

Some of my readers have asked for solutions.  There is one of them. Want more?

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Aging is Good Deal

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Good News! As you get older, negative emotions decline and emotional well-being increases. This is based on 340,000 people surveyed by Gallup (2010), no small number.

It was in the period from 55 to 65 years that showed the greatest drop in stress, worry and anger, although all generally dropped from about age 25 on.

Satisfaction

Not only that, but marriages were more satisfying and had more positive experiences, even when the partners quarrel, according to another study. In fact, there was more satisfaction with friendships and relationships in general. It is attributed to more regular and open expression of affection, even when conflicts arise.

Social bonds turned out to be smaller, but closer with friends and relatives. Actually, he most consistent predictor of well-being for social relationships was volunteering - from lending a helping hand to doing community work.

One study sort of sums it up: people are more wise in the old age, with more ranking in the top 20% on "wisdom performance". This means, the ability to see other's points of view, to compromise, to appreciate the limits of knowledge, and manage disputes. They are open to new experiences and perspectives.

Another study found that older folk are generally happier in their day-to-day activities and when they participate in leisure and physical activities. My guess is that with age you sort out what works for you and what doesn't and that experience counts. Has anyone made a movie about this?

This may go against accepted opinion that when older, you are bound to be more grumpy, more reclusive, and unsure of yourself, and so on. Lots of movies for this genre.

You can check this out on a well-documented article in On Health (Consumer Rep, May 2013).


About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

How to Complain - And Still Be Liked

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Things go wrong. A delivery was way late; merchandise was faulty; a promise was broken. It's natural to get angry, especially if it's important to you. When you think of it, anger seems to be our daily bread with all the annoyances, frustrations and other foolishness everyday. Sometimes the smallest things can upset us, especially if they remind us of the bigger frustrations of the day.


Anger

 
Before you know it, you are breathing hard, heart racing, and you are tense all over. Charged with energy, you want to say something rather than nothing at all, and you might just do that before you think about it. Not a pleasant scene.

Still, you may have a chance to talk to a responsible person.  Not everyone has a portable complaint department, but you can make one.  Here is your way to take charge that respects both your anger and the other party.

1.  Speak up soon. Don't wait for your resentments to grow and emotions to boil. Complaining to someone else, i.e. bitching and moaning, is defeatist. Keep this 1-5 formula in front of you.

2.  Summarize the facts of the matter. These are points you can agree on right away. No drama, please. A long story can sound like a legal indictment. Just a sentence or two.

3.  Speak briefly about how it affected you. Say if it cause a change in plans or a disappointment. Be especially brief about emotions, as they have power all by themselves.
4.   Say clearly what steps would make it all better. This is the hardest part, and often left out by those who just want combat. It could be a repair, a refund, an understanding. Don't hold back.

5.  Ask if he/she is willing to take these steps. This ends it. It pins one down to an answer, or at least negotiation. And be sure to say "Thank you".

Notice there has been no accusation, no insinuation, no character attack.  No drama at all. You have led the way to a solution, without elaborate explanations, apologies or debate. The other party will be grateful.

On your part, you have not put it off, minimized it, distracted yourself, or "managed" it. You have used you anger well and have got your way.  You have asserted yourself. You have got Satisfaction.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Emotions Give Us Choices - Ready or Not

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Even from the first onset of an emotion, e.g. anger, we have the power to choose how the emotion will turn out, whether locked in a rigid mood (Bitterness) or transformed into positive energy (Fulfillment). Anger, by itself, does not impel us to do any one thing, because, unlike all other animal life, we have the ability to reflect and choose.  The choices of an animal are immediate, non-reflective, stimulus-bound, and instinctive - not a choice at all.


Woman on Phone
Photo Credit: WebCORB



It is also true that you can, by choice, not see choices at all.  One current, somewhat popular way to express freedom is to act impulsively in a determined way, and avoid the responsibility that goes with choice. The end-state is often thrill-seeking, addictiveness, crime, conflict, a poverty of interests and troubles of every kind. Many are adept at inventing reasons for all the bad fortune in life that results from this: a poor boss, lousy weather, lack of money, a bad mood, and much more.

In perhaps no other realm of mind are there such extreme consequences of your choices than in emotional expression and action.  Emotions are nearly pure energy that will not stay still, just as a fire can consume or serve you.  Emotions compel action that will have their way whether we pay attention to them or not.  And if they are not fulfilled, they will not just go away.  In the case of anger, the same emotion that can make us blame, accuse, collect injustices,and nurse resentment or bloody vengeance is the same emotion that fills an authentic need, with high satisfaction.

It is beguiling that many of our choices in life seem ready-made.  friends, clothes, lifestyle, home, car and other things seem natural choices.  It may be a bit harder to realize we choose our values, beliefs, and even our attitudes.  Emotions are that much murkier"  they can seem to come with no choice at all, whether we go by our gut feelings or deal with them conventionally.  Then again, emotions can be so upsetting that we wish we could be a "rock", glad to be rid of them, especially the "negative" emotions, and avoid choice altogether. 

Yet choice gives us freedom and fulfillment. Just as anger can lead to fulfilling a need, so fear mastered leads to freedom, sadness to renewal, hurt to reconciliation, disgust to respect. All the pages of this blog, my Ebooks and other writings deal with this choice.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.