Aging is Good Deal

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Good News! As you get older, negative emotions decline and emotional well-being increases. This is based on 340,000 people surveyed by Gallup (2010), no small number.

It was in the period from 55 to 65 years that showed the greatest drop in stress, worry and anger, although all generally dropped from about age 25 on.

Satisfaction

Not only that, but marriages were more satisfying and had more positive experiences, even when the partners quarrel, according to another study. In fact, there was more satisfaction with friendships and relationships in general. It is attributed to more regular and open expression of affection, even when conflicts arise.

Social bonds turned out to be smaller, but closer with friends and relatives. Actually, he most consistent predictor of well-being for social relationships was volunteering - from lending a helping hand to doing community work.

One study sort of sums it up: people are more wise in the old age, with more ranking in the top 20% on "wisdom performance". This means, the ability to see other's points of view, to compromise, to appreciate the limits of knowledge, and manage disputes. They are open to new experiences and perspectives.

Another study found that older folk are generally happier in their day-to-day activities and when they participate in leisure and physical activities. My guess is that with age you sort out what works for you and what doesn't and that experience counts. Has anyone made a movie about this?

This may go against accepted opinion that when older, you are bound to be more grumpy, more reclusive, and unsure of yourself, and so on. Lots of movies for this genre.

You can check this out on a well-documented article in On Health (Consumer Rep, May 2013).


About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

How To Use Active Listening To Make A Genuine Connection

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

 

Active listening is an act of love. You leave your own needs and preconceptions behind and open yourself to another's world. You take the unexpected as a gift. A trusting, open relation is born. The speaker can be him or herself with you and you've made a genuine connecton.



Woman Actively Listening To A Friend
Photo Credit: elitedaily.com



Here are the steps. Do them until they feel natural. Notice what you receive in return. Be grateful.

1. Set aside time
2. Move closer with full attention
3. Ask open-ended questions
4. Ask about his/her feelings
5. Reflect back what was said. Let the story unfold.
6. Ask what he/she has learned from this
7. Ask for his/her plan of action

How to act on these steps:

1. Being preoccupied or too busy or listening to music makes active listening impossible. You may have to fight for this time. Do it.
2. An open posture, a closer position, a stillness all convey you have time and interest.
3. This is not an interrogation, an expose, or a trap. It's, "What's up?" not "Why did you?" It is patience, a search for understanding. You let the speaker elaborate and draw conclusions - not you.
4. Asking for feelings and emotions requires that you slow down and be patient, so that the speaker can get in touch with them. Emotions tell you how and speaker is being affected and how he/she is likely to act. It is direct communication.
5. Now and then repeat what was said in the speaker's own words, especially emotionally weighted words. Reflect feelings. Show you are listening and get it.
6. Ask what the speaker has got out of it - not you, and never snap judgements or accusations. This could be the hardest part for a parent or someone especially close. Bite your tongue.
7. Asking what the speaker is going to do about it puts responsibility on the speaker. It's, "How do  you want it to turn out?" not "You have to do this..." And then you can always ask for permission, "Would you like my input?" or "Are there any other alternatives?" Or, more directly, "What if you tried this...?"

So, if you have listened well, as in Steps 1-7, then whatever you say in the way of direction, support or correction will be received in the spirit of trust and openness. A genuine connection.

 

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

What Emotional Fulfillment Can Do For You

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Emotions just happen all the time, as part of our human nature. It's possible to have feelings about anything. They are a form of pure energy that can persist, remarkably, over a lifetime. there is usually characteristic triggering event for each emotion with an immediate impulse to act in a certain way. Emotions tell us quickly our position towards this event, generally whether it is beneficial or not. Emotions are unusually persistent and do not have to be conscious to affect our thoughts, decisions and actions.


Photo Credit: womansforum.com


We are anatomically wired for emotions through ANS pathways, brain anatomy, neuropeptides, and the instinctual system. Each primary emotion can be sensed and labeled reliably by individuals. Each emotion often blends with other emotions, and we can even have emotions about emotions!

The benefit or cost of an emotion to us depends on how we act on it. Emotions not handled well become stress, which brings less energy, more upset, and less capacity to respond positively. Over time, if emotions are not integrated into our life, they become trapped in rigid moods. Moods involve emotions in a tangle of thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and action tendencies, a stuck way of looking at the world that does not allow completion of the feeling. The instinctive path of handling emotions leads to defensiveness and ultimately to rigid, stuck moods.

On the other hand, the reflective, distinctly human path of handling emotions allows their acceptance, integration and ultimate fulfillment. Fulfillment of any emotion means its purpose has been filled, the emotion completed, and its disappearance. Emotional freedom is a sense of having relatively few unfulfilled emotional claims. All emotions originate with our loves and attachments, and our happiness is their fulfillment through constant contact, skill, and dedication. The result is a sense of peacefulness - a dynamic process of regular, dependable fulfillment of our emotional life.

This series of articles will be all about how to can bring emotional fulfillment into every area of your life.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.