Showing posts with label emotional choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional choice. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Bright Side - A Note from the Future

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Imagine you are in the future. The economy has tanked, and things are much worse now.  Unemployment is 26%; 17% of mortgages have foreclosed; inflation is rampant; borrowing is very costly; the bond market has crashed; our currency devalued.  We can no longer borrow to pay down our national debt.  2 Million are homeless.

But, we are learning new ways to prosper and be fulfilled.

Now that families have to crowd into 2 or 3 rooms, we have learned to eat together, discuss our affairs, and help each other.  With the electricity on 6 hours a day, we no longer depend upon electronic devices or spend much time on TV and the media.  We work in our garden, share cooking and cleaning, and do all the repairs ourselves.  With gas at $11 a gallon, we’ve learned to car pool with the neighbors and coworkers and share lunch treats.  We’re discovering local sports, too, like trails, biking, local teams, and pickup games of all sorts. Now that schools have little money, we are no longer under the gun with national testing, and parents have time to help their children learn, plus all the time for sports, arts, music, trips and classroom talks.  Our children see more of themselves in school since we insisted they learn useful things about life and themselves; they like school now. 
In downsizing, we have had to sell off or donate so much excess stuff that we see what is essential and most meaningful and spend more time in that.  In fact, getting by with a lot less work hours has meant a lot to ourselves and each other.  Our community has come together, too, as we not share our skills and tools around cooking, gardening, repairing, per care, heating methods – in fact, about everything. We are learning gratitude.
 
I guess this is more the way it used to be.  More sense of community, opportunity, fairness with each other, good schools, a great family life. We could use a teach-in like this every 80 years or so.

Dr. Schwartz, (The Paradox of Choice, 2004) documents how an overload of choice leads to anxiety, loneliness, stress and dissatisfaction - even depression. The polls show that the feelings that choices do matter has dropped over the years. Why?

He documents how the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment, and the more choices, the more stress and pressure. And once you reach an adequate subsistence income, further wealth shows no increase in measurable happiness. In short, an abundance of choice takes precious time, regret of lost opportunity, more uncertainty, more procrastination, more demanding choices, more risk of being let down, more responsibility, restless greed - more agony!

Paradoxically, the choices that contribute most to happiness bind and commit us passionately to loved ones, friends, work and the spiritual life - and gratitude.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Emotions Give Us Choices - Ready or Not

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Even from the first onset of an emotion, e.g. anger, we have the power to choose how the emotion will turn out, whether locked in a rigid mood (Bitterness) or transformed into positive energy (Fulfillment). Anger, by itself, does not impel us to do any one thing, because, unlike all other animal life, we have the ability to reflect and choose.  The choices of an animal are immediate, non-reflective, stimulus-bound, and instinctive - not a choice at all.

Woman on Phone
Photo Credit: WebCORB

It is also true that you can, by choice, not see choices at all.  One current, somewhat popular way to express freedom is to act impulsively in a determined way, and avoid the responsibility that goes with choice. The end-state is often thrill-seeking, addictiveness, crime, conflict, a poverty of interests and troubles of every kind. Many are adept at inventing reasons for all the bad fortune in life that results from this: a poor boss, lousy weather, lack of money, a bad mood, and much more.

In perhaps no other realm of mind are there such extreme consequences of your choices than in emotional expression and action.  Emotions are nearly pure energy that will not stay still, just as a fire can consume or serve you.  Emotions compel action that will have their way whether we pay attention to them or not.  And if they are not fulfilled, they will not just go away.  In the case of anger, the same emotion that can make us blame, accuse, collect injustices,and nurse resentment or bloody vengeance is the same emotion that fills an authentic need, with high satisfaction.

It is beguiling that many of our choices in life seem ready-made.  friends, clothes, lifestyle, home, car and other things seem natural choices.  It may be a bit harder to realize we choose our values, beliefs, and even our attitudes.  Emotions are that much murkier"  they can seem to come with no choice at all, whether we go by our gut feelings or deal with them conventionally.  Then again, emotions can be so upsetting that we wish we could be a "rock", glad to be rid of them, especially the "negative" emotions, and avoid choice altogether. 

Yet choice gives us freedom and fulfillment. Just as anger can lead to fulfilling a need, so fear mastered leads to freedom, sadness to renewal, hurt to reconciliation, disgust to respect. All the pages of this blog, my Ebooks and other writings deal with this choice.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.