Guilt - The Great Dismal Swamp

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Guilt is a word passed around so easily, like a snapshot. But why does it feel so heavy and sticky, like a foul swamp that slows you with all its heavy muck?

 Guilt is tangled with emotions. They reveal with it is made of, as well as what to do about it.

How could I?

Guilt begins with the emotion of disgust, the feeling that you or someone has been tainted, stained or violated. It is the emotion of nausea and revulsion in bodily terms. If you are disgusted with yourself, you feel you have violated your sense of Self. You can't believe you did it.

Fear is quickly recruited by disgust. "Will I be punished? Will I be condemned? Will everyone find out? What will happen to me?" These fears multiply and can be more upsetting than disgust.

Anger comes naturally with disgust. "They are unfair. I was never told. Its was a trap. No one is defending me." Anger can keep guilt going, as it offers no remedy, only complaints, blaming, etc.

Hurt can be a deep wound that comes with the disgust of others. "How can they think that of me? Is there no forgiveness?  I feel condemned." Hurt can make you withdraw inside yourself and suffer alone.

Sadness flows from disgust. "I have lost my standing. People will never think of me in the same way. I am forever tainted." This sadness, too, you can easily keep inside.

Shame may be one of the worst outcomes of disgust. Instead of feeling you are part of your community, you feel alienated. "Something is basically wrong with me.  I don't belong anywhere. I have no place. I am banished." You may feel there is no way back.

This entanglement of emotions around guilt has a far reach. Here are a few: being over-apologetic, giving into guilt, feeling a failure, considering others before yourself, unable to ask for what you need, craving a good reputation, angry when others disappoint, finding you don't measure up to others.  My Guilt Test has over such 50 items.

Disgust needs healing, as it is the recruiter of all the other emotions. Yes, you can learn perspective, acceptance, fairness and even appreciation, so that you put what is tainted where it does no harm. Literature by Borysenko, Young & Klosko, and Lufkin can help.

In the '50s, garbage was buried shamefully in the back yard, out of sight. Today we see that all parts of garbage are useful and can be recycled.

Can you recycle your guilt?

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Myths about Emotions - Part 2

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Why do we demonize our emotions, those experiences which are so personal, so faithful, forever looking out for us? Here are even more myths about emotions:

Yow!

A common myth is that emotions cloud judgment and thought, and lead to real trouble. The heat of the moment, the old hurt feeling, the inflexible emotional position - these make us act in ways to bring about harm we can't take back easily. Right?

Of course emotions that are acted on in ways to defend ourselves or attack get us into trouble.  Examples are instinctive lashing out, the nurturing of negative emotions, or old protective habits. However, if emotions are acted on in fulfilling ways, ways that fulfill the essential purpose of each emotion, we will act in ways that complete the emotion and enable it to loosen its hold.  Then, our judgment is better than ever.

Another myth is that emotions are either positive or negative, as if each kind must lead us to a good or bad outcome. If it were so simple! Certainly, anger sounds negative, and has unpleasant bodily feelings.  We may associate it with the most upsetting, harmful times of our loves. Yet anger can keep us focused and determined to get something essential for us. I makes no sense that "negative" emotions have no purpose except to defeat us and make us feel bad.

Another widely held myth is that by simply expressing the emotion, you have accepted it and are in control. Eastern faiths and meditation seminars induced relaxation so that you can observe, experience and let go of the emotions. Seminars train professionals to help others express and label feelings yet neglect what they should do about them, e.g. "get it out, tell us how you feel, and you'll feel better".

Despite its short-term effectiveness and the adept who can detach throughout the day, emotions come back anyway. Victims of trauma, abuse, or neglect have powerful emotions that can persist many years, or even a lifetime. Years ago, a faddish therapy called "primal scream" encouraged extreme expressions of feeling, with the result that many were stuck in "screaming" for months on end. This myth rides roughshod over the evidence of how useful these persistent emotions can be when they are resolved.

Expression of emotion is only the beginning of integrating your emotions. Emotions can motivate cruelty or kindness, greed or gratitude, recklessness or protection - depending on how they are handled.

Can you think of more myths? I bet you can.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.