Myths about Emotions - Part 2

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Why do we demonize our emotions, those experiences which are so personal, so faithful, forever looking out for us? Here are even more myths about emotions:

Yow!

A common myth is that emotions cloud judgment and thought, and lead to real trouble. The heat of the moment, the old hurt feeling, the inflexible emotional position - these make us act in ways to bring about harm we can't take back easily. Right?

Of course emotions that are acted on in ways to defend ourselves or attack get us into trouble.  Examples are instinctive lashing out, the nurturing of negative emotions, or old protective habits. However, if emotions are acted on in fulfilling ways, ways that fulfill the essential purpose of each emotion, we will act in ways that complete the emotion and enable it to loosen its hold.  Then, our judgment is better than ever.

Another myth is that emotions are either positive or negative, as if each kind must lead us to a good or bad outcome. If it were so simple! Certainly, anger sounds negative, and has unpleasant bodily feelings.  We may associate it with the most upsetting, harmful times of our loves. Yet anger can keep us focused and determined to get something essential for us. I makes no sense that "negative" emotions have no purpose except to defeat us and make us feel bad.

Another widely held myth is that by simply expressing the emotion, you have accepted it and are in control. Eastern faiths and meditation seminars induced relaxation so that you can observe, experience and let go of the emotions. Seminars train professionals to help others express and label feelings yet neglect what they should do about them, e.g. "get it out, tell us how you feel, and you'll feel better".

Despite its short-term effectiveness and the adept who can detach throughout the day, emotions come back anyway. Victims of trauma, abuse, or neglect have powerful emotions that can persist many years, or even a lifetime. Years ago, a faddish therapy called "primal scream" encouraged extreme expressions of feeling, with the result that many were stuck in "screaming" for months on end. This myth rides roughshod over the evidence of how useful these persistent emotions can be when they are resolved.

Expression of emotion is only the beginning of integrating your emotions. Emotions can motivate cruelty or kindness, greed or gratitude, recklessness or protection - depending on how they are handled.

Can you think of more myths? I bet you can.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Myths about Emotions - Part 1

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

As much as we live with our emotions everyday, commonly held opinions about emotions blur and confuse us in ways that do harm to us.

One position is that emotions are useless.  They belong to a primitive stage in human development when we had to react quickly, instinctively. Emotions don't help to digest information or make decision. More formally, the view is that emotions are dysfunctional and impair the logical, evidence based decision-making that is part of human rationality.

Which emotion?

This position ignores the fact that emotions can guide and direct us beneath our awareness. It ungraciously ignores that zest and meaning that the positive emotions give to life. An impoverished emotional life leads to the stunted relations and barren inner life of a hermit or recluse. Neurology tells us that emotions are actually essential for both making and carrying out decisions.

Another myth is that emotions are upsetting and dangerous beasts that have to be tamed, i.e. the dark and chaotic Id. Each age has created its own vampires, witches, zombies, aliens and devils. Certainly, emotions can make one kill, torture or harm. This position leads to constant monitoring and a whole array of measures to suppress emotions. Continual vigilance is the order of the day.

This position ignores the dynamic that the more you repress feelings, the more dangerous and intrusive they become. That is because they persist in some form, regardless. Repressed anger can become complaining, complaining becomes resentment, and when you have made your case airtight, bitterness lies at the end. Or much worse. By fiercely de-emotionalizing life, you feed the dangerous beast, not tame it.

Another myth is that emotion is just an effect, an ornament not to be taken too seriously. In this case, emotions don't tell you much except how well or ill things have turned out. A more extreme view is that emotions are crazy - they upset you and lead you astray. Better to ignore them as best as you can! They certainly cannot be taken as the basis of planning or initiating things.

This breezy disregard fails to make use of the richness of emotional life.  It turns cause and effect on its head, neglecting to see that acting wisely on your feelings makes event turn out better.  Also, it is very useful to know how events have turned out, as measured by our feelings about them.

The misuse of emotions is so rampant and varied, it will probably take another blog to dig them out.

I'll try to make your emotions your best friends!

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.