Myths about Emotions - Part 2

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Why do we demonize our emotions, those experiences which are so personal, so faithful, forever looking out for us? Here are even more myths about emotions:

Yow!

A common myth is that emotions cloud judgment and thought, and lead to real trouble. The heat of the moment, the old hurt feeling, the inflexible emotional position - these make us act in ways to bring about harm we can't take back easily. Right?

Of course emotions that are acted on in ways to defend ourselves or attack get us into trouble.  Examples are instinctive lashing out, the nurturing of negative emotions, or old protective habits. However, if emotions are acted on in fulfilling ways, ways that fulfill the essential purpose of each emotion, we will act in ways that complete the emotion and enable it to loosen its hold.  Then, our judgment is better than ever.

Another myth is that emotions are either positive or negative, as if each kind must lead us to a good or bad outcome. If it were so simple! Certainly, anger sounds negative, and has unpleasant bodily feelings.  We may associate it with the most upsetting, harmful times of our loves. Yet anger can keep us focused and determined to get something essential for us. I makes no sense that "negative" emotions have no purpose except to defeat us and make us feel bad.

Another widely held myth is that by simply expressing the emotion, you have accepted it and are in control. Eastern faiths and meditation seminars induced relaxation so that you can observe, experience and let go of the emotions. Seminars train professionals to help others express and label feelings yet neglect what they should do about them, e.g. "get it out, tell us how you feel, and you'll feel better".

Despite its short-term effectiveness and the adept who can detach throughout the day, emotions come back anyway. Victims of trauma, abuse, or neglect have powerful emotions that can persist many years, or even a lifetime. Years ago, a faddish therapy called "primal scream" encouraged extreme expressions of feeling, with the result that many were stuck in "screaming" for months on end. This myth rides roughshod over the evidence of how useful these persistent emotions can be when they are resolved.

Expression of emotion is only the beginning of integrating your emotions. Emotions can motivate cruelty or kindness, greed or gratitude, recklessness or protection - depending on how they are handled.

Can you think of more myths? I bet you can.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Resilience - Bouncing Back from the Marathon Events

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist


After the marathon bombings, what do we do with the emotions aroused?  Is there any direction we can take from such events?

The Marathon bombings captured all the major features of a real-life reality show, with all its danger, drama and uncertain outcome.  The lockdown of a major city was unprecedented. The convergence of internet informants, police, fire and rescue, FBI, homeland security, neighbors, and more was astounding and fearful, both at once. And to bring it home, there were the emotional interviews of survivors, relatives, onlookers and media talk hosts.

Grateful

But Showtime it wasn't for many of us who are sensitive, troubled and even shaken by such events. Where on earth do we put such an event in the flow of our workaday and family life?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from stress or trauma. The evidence is that the resilient can both face up to the harsh reality and get on with what they care about more, at the same time. Bonanno et al (2007) show that the very depressed come back sooner by going back and forth between the tears of a terrible loss and engagement with what they love about life.  No contradiction - they take turns, since you can't do both at once.

The resilient stick to their routines and habits and find comfort in them. They help others, as well as ask for help, all of which keeps you connected to friends and family and to share your own troubles. The resilient actually play off these horrendous events to affirm what really matters in their lives and renew their relationships with family, friends, work and all else (Ong et al, 2006).

We see how easily our lives can be changed or lost, and feel grateful and abundant.

A survivor, not a victim.


About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.