Emotions and the Theater of Life

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Emotions are everywhere, every moment, however buried or concealed, and they help form the roles we play in the theater of life. Every activity is driven by emotions.

The appeal of emotion can be in car design, clothing, music, sports, crowds, politics - everywhere. After all, every human event or product is brought about by a warm-blooded human being. No matter how remote the person at work appears - the scientist, the surgeon, the ambassador - all have emotions that vary moment to moment, nudge or pull, and lead one to next thing and the next.

I want your toys

This is why I write about such diverse theaters of life, like the classroom, mass shootings, the playground, inventions, families, cooking and more. We all bring our emotion-driven needs, desires, sentiments, interests, and satisfactions to each setting in our daily life.

The motivation for our actions in all the theaters of life, I believe, can be best understood by the emotions and their combinations. Why would anyone accumulate so much stuff that he cannot possibly use and enjoy, so that he either stores it or displays it? The emotion is envy: I want what you have; it seems better than what I have; and having it makes me feel more secure and better than you. The emotions relating to competition, dominance, in-group and control are recruited along the way. In time the emotion of envy hardens into a way of life called greed. We have created a theater of life in which you never have enough.

Yes, life is a stage and we are players on it, but it is also a real and earnest role we play.

In my writings I invite you to witness real-life drama in all the  theaters of life.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Everyone his/her own Therapist?

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

What does our bad habit or self-defeating behavior do for you?  This paradoxical question and its gutsy answer helps you let go of a self-defeating habit and find a new way.

Yes, whatever you do has a purpose, or you wouldn't do it - right?

The point is that whatever you do that gets you into trouble does a whole, whole lot for you. When you take time to write down seriously all the benefits, you will need more than a page.

Let's say you procrastinate and you are really good at it. Here are just a few emotional traps:

Choices

1. You don't have to risk criticism (fear)
2. You live in glorious possibilities (hope)
3. You are saving up a "good" experience (secure)
4. You have a sense of freedom in not-doing (self-satisfaction)
5. You don't have to face your limitations (anxiety)
6. You don't risk defeat (abuse)
7. You don't have to look at "what comes after that (carefree) 

Now you are in a position to find other ways of getting each benefit, e.g. "I welcome defeat because I learn the quickest that way!" Or, "Once I start, it is more clear what I have to do after that". You have choices.

This self-examination can be difficult or easy, depending, but it has been a most empowering exercise for everyone. We are amazed at what our bad habit has been up to, and it is often clear what we must do to change it. And find emotional freedom.

Are you tempted to try this out?

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Beneath the Anxiety - Treasure!

 

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Anxiety and fear can make you avoid a bad situation, and you also can learn how to face up to it. But what then? Do you know what to do with your new-found freedom?

I have come to see that it makes a very small satisfaction in overcoming an anxiety "disorder" if you don't know what to do with your new freedom. I have learned to ask my clients what the would love to do with their life, their dream job, their ideal day, the experiences they wish to have, what they need most - all ways of asking for the true love in their life.

When the love of your life is frustrated, minimized, or slighted, strong emotions are generated, such as anger, guilt, disgust, depression, and more. This sense of something missing from your life can lead to a kind of low level depression.

Free at last

Burns (2013) found that after a client got mostly over her anxiety at work, she still had nausea and the urge to vomit when she walked by the desk of her boss. I believe that her nausea was not remaining anxiety but disgust with her work. Disgust, the emotion driving guilt.  She long desired to be a dress designer, and when she left to pursue that line of work, all her nausea disappeared.

Yes, if fear and anxiety have oppressed you for a long time, it may be hard to renew hope and faith in what you love.  Still, clearing away the worries and fears helps you find the hidden treasure.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Myths about Emotions - Part 2

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Why do we demonize our emotions, those experiences which are so personal, so faithful, forever looking out for us? Here are even more myths about emotions:

Yow!

A common myth is that emotions cloud judgment and thought, and lead to real trouble. The heat of the moment, the old hurt feeling, the inflexible emotional position - these make us act in ways to bring about harm we can't take back easily. Right?

Of course emotions that are acted on in ways to defend ourselves or attack get us into trouble.  Examples are instinctive lashing out, the nurturing of negative emotions, or old protective habits. However, if emotions are acted on in fulfilling ways, ways that fulfill the essential purpose of each emotion, we will act in ways that complete the emotion and enable it to loosen its hold.  Then, our judgment is better than ever.

Another myth is that emotions are either positive or negative, as if each kind must lead us to a good or bad outcome. If it were so simple! Certainly, anger sounds negative, and has unpleasant bodily feelings.  We may associate it with the most upsetting, harmful times of our loves. Yet anger can keep us focused and determined to get something essential for us. I makes no sense that "negative" emotions have no purpose except to defeat us and make us feel bad.

Another widely held myth is that by simply expressing the emotion, you have accepted it and are in control. Eastern faiths and meditation seminars induced relaxation so that you can observe, experience and let go of the emotions. Seminars train professionals to help others express and label feelings yet neglect what they should do about them, e.g. "get it out, tell us how you feel, and you'll feel better".

Despite its short-term effectiveness and the adept who can detach throughout the day, emotions come back anyway. Victims of trauma, abuse, or neglect have powerful emotions that can persist many years, or even a lifetime. Years ago, a faddish therapy called "primal scream" encouraged extreme expressions of feeling, with the result that many were stuck in "screaming" for months on end. This myth rides roughshod over the evidence of how useful these persistent emotions can be when they are resolved.

Expression of emotion is only the beginning of integrating your emotions. Emotions can motivate cruelty or kindness, greed or gratitude, recklessness or protection - depending on how they are handled.

Can you think of more myths? I bet you can.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Myths about Emotions - Part 1

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

As much as we live with our emotions everyday, commonly held opinions about emotions blur and confuse us in ways that do harm to us.

One position is that emotions are useless.  They belong to a primitive stage in human development when we had to react quickly, instinctively. Emotions don't help to digest information or make decision. More formally, the view is that emotions are dysfunctional and impair the logical, evidence based decision-making that is part of human rationality.

Which emotion?

This position ignores the fact that emotions can guide and direct us beneath our awareness. It ungraciously ignores that zest and meaning that the positive emotions give to life. An impoverished emotional life leads to the stunted relations and barren inner life of a hermit or recluse. Neurology tells us that emotions are actually essential for both making and carrying out decisions.

Another myth is that emotions are upsetting and dangerous beasts that have to be tamed, i.e. the dark and chaotic Id. Each age has created its own vampires, witches, zombies, aliens and devils. Certainly, emotions can make one kill, torture or harm. This position leads to constant monitoring and a whole array of measures to suppress emotions. Continual vigilance is the order of the day.

This position ignores the dynamic that the more you repress feelings, the more dangerous and intrusive they become. That is because they persist in some form, regardless. Repressed anger can become complaining, complaining becomes resentment, and when you have made your case airtight, bitterness lies at the end. Or much worse. By fiercely de-emotionalizing life, you feed the dangerous beast, not tame it.

Another myth is that emotion is just an effect, an ornament not to be taken too seriously. In this case, emotions don't tell you much except how well or ill things have turned out. A more extreme view is that emotions are crazy - they upset you and lead you astray. Better to ignore them as best as you can! They certainly cannot be taken as the basis of planning or initiating things.

This breezy disregard fails to make use of the richness of emotional life.  It turns cause and effect on its head, neglecting to see that acting wisely on your feelings makes event turn out better.  Also, it is very useful to know how events have turned out, as measured by our feelings about them.

The misuse of emotions is so rampant and varied, it will probably take another blog to dig them out.

I'll try to make your emotions your best friends!

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.