Empathy - Becoming Human

by Richard C Raynard PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

The scary part

Feral children - those raised in the wild by animals - some 56 discovered and known - did not become fully human despite extraordinary effort by some of their caretakers. Most did not learn language, were blind to forming relationships, and preferred the animal ways of walking, eating, and being with animals they knew early on. In the same way, orphans in Rumania that were forbidden touch or contact with their caretakes developed exploitive relations and did not develop play or enjoyment of companions.  Their mortality rates were from 35 to 70% by year 2.

In the first 5 years of life, a child learns to be human through its relation with its parents. Empathy is not only sensing the feelings of others but being able to take their perspective through imagination and experience.  Only humans can do this.

The evidence also shows it is clear that, depending on the parent-child relation - where emotional needs are handled - childeren form a very persistent world-view. Thie view can be described as entitled, self-sacrificing, shamed, helpless, abandoned, or even emotionally unreachable, among others. Or, self-confidant, compassionate, and self-directed.

The biological basis may be that human infants are birthed earlier in development and are born more unformed than any other animal.  They have few reflexes, are helpless in feeding and defecating, have few signals for showing their needs, and are unable to walk or reach. Their early experience with parents is profoundly formative.

The best part

Children can also thrive, and turn out brighter, more empathic, calmer, more teachable, have earlier identification of interests, and be altogether more resilient.  Parents can learn how to listen, encourage and guide children, as well as get the support parents need.

Imagine if mothers could have at least 3 months maternity leave with partial pay.  Childcare could be part of every worksite large enough, with a truely qualified staff to involve the preschooler in play, song, and age-related skills.  A free public-owned Parenting Life channel could convey in dramatic, real-life terms making  the very best of developmental problems in eating, sleeping, keeping clean, vaccinations, bites and scapes,pets, social skills, listening and talking, and much more.  At age 14 in high school, a basic course in human growth and development, including the fulfillment of emotional needs, is even more vital than homemaking skills, and cooking, budgeting and so on. In a few short years, teens will be hurled into parenthood, a role for which many have the least training.  And, perhaps most of all, parents could have reduced work hours, wage increases, and flex hourr for Child Time.

In these times, such common sense sounds like way-out idealism.  Such is our dilemma.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, I have spent the last 35 years fulfilling my life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.