Afraid of Happiness? Barf!

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Two recent studies (Joshanloo and Gilbert) claim to show that feeling good is what scares some people, as measured in 14 different cultures. These findings need clarification, before they go viral, or something worse.

First, the items of their test more accurately describe a "fear of being disappointed". Two of the items are, "My good feelings never last" and "If you feel good, you let your guard down".

Second, "Happiness" is never defined. This is surprising since the psych literature is rife with attempts to define happiness, from plainly sensual delights to lasting satisfactions.

Common sense tells you that if you try to be happy with bling or the latest thing, the satisfaction won't last long. The same for sheer thrills. The point is that in lumping all such satisfactions under Happiness, guarantees that many will distrust and fear quickly passing satisfactions, while doing no justice to the lasting ones.

My solution for my clients who want to clarify what makes them happy is my Personal Fulfillment Survey. I truly feel I don't know what motivates them until I tune into what they love and gives meaning to their lives.

Here is the major outline of the Personal Fulfillment Survey:

All kinds

• Thrills and impulses
• Sensual delights
• Simple pleasures
• Addictions
• Satisfying duties
• Basic needs
• Looking good
• Vital interests
• Enduring satisfactions
• What gives most meaning

So, kick up your heels, gaze out the window, take the time to reflect on your own experience, and see how you would survey your own world of happiness. I wish you the courage to do this, too.

At least you won't be prey to ideas like "afraid of happiness".  Any comment?

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.

Boredom - a Lack of Emotion!

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Boredom is painful. It's waking up and seeing nothing of yourself in the day and going to sleep later realizing that tomorrow will be the same - empty. It can happen to the nicest people.

Confusion abounds over the cause of boredom. The researcher, Danchert, argues in Mind (2013) that boredom is an attention disorder: a lack of discrimination between novel and familiar. Possible solution: train the bored to recognize when an event is novel. Sorry - the lack of discrimination describes the result of boredom, not the cause.

Only recently has boredom become a widely recognized social fact. In Medieval times it was called the sin of sloth. The early French called it nonchalance or languor. In 18th century England, the leisure class struggled with vacuity, tedium, listlessness and insipidity. In the early 19th century it was finally called "boredom", along with rise of factory labor. Interesting.

Bored

Still, the evidence is accumulating in recent studies. Boredom is more likely among the young, the more extraverted and more intelligent. The more prone to boredom have frustrated needs and high activation levels. The very bored can be reckless sensation-seekers, who try to escape boredom in risky ventures. Krasko (2004) sees a major cause in degraded, factory-like education in which students see nothing of themselves. Some are more bored in their leisure time than at work or school. One researcher noted that the bored have little self-focus and cannot "access and understand their emotions" (Eastwood et al, 2007).

To me, boredom is the lack of desire or emotional contact with what you care about. If you can listen to yourself, open your heart to what you care about, and go after what is most meaningful to you, then you can be illuminated and fulfilled.

What a mouthful! To get in touch with what you love and care about is an awesome, immense undertaking. I am humble before that task. But a few have written about how to get there.  Look up the works of Sher, Frankl, Wertheimer, Bingamen, and others.

They are some of the pioneers of boredom.

About Dr. Raynard
Dr. Richard Raynard is a licensed clinical psychologist with 35 years experience resolving a broad range of emotional problems. As a cognitive-behavioral therapist who has specialized in anxiety and phobic disorders since 1980, he has spent the last 35 years fulfilling his life-long desire to explore and define the true purpose of emotions and how people can easily use emotions to create meaning and satisfaction in their lives. Dr. Raynard's series of books on emotions can be found on Amazon.com. His other books include Don't Panic, and Anxiety & Panic Medications.